My High School Bully

High School was tough in many ways for me. I transferred schools, learned English, had a crush, learned Chemistry and Literature, oh and also I was bullied.

My bully was smart and sporty. She had a strong social life. Her hair was long and black. I saw her beauty even with her acne scars covering her face.

For years I have been carrying this negative feeling inside and today is the day that I release it. Fly away, you're free!

To protect her privacy, I will not reveal her name. She will be referred to as Kelly. This is the letter that I would like to give her to express how I feel about our past.

 

Dear Kelly,

It's been many years since I first heard your beautiful laugh that faithful day when you noticed my accent. My imperfection peaked your curiosity and took over your senses. Don't worry, my distant friend, this is not a letter to bring up your peculiarities, this is a letter to show you what you've taught me. 

I didn't get to know you as well as I would've liked to. Perhaps it was our tension that kept us from forming a lasting friendship. You were curious about me and I was afraid of being imperfect. You felt the need to call for my attention using interesting methods. One funny method you used was to make my seat wet so that it appeared as if I had wet my pants. In retrospect, I see that you were really funny and that's how you expressed yourself.

I have to be honest with you. For many years I hated you and felt unlucky to have met you. It took 14 years for me to realize that you taught me a very important lesson. I can't allow others' opinions of myself affect me. If I would've been open back then, I would've understood that lesson. I would've laughed at your interesting methods. 

I'm not sure what your life really looked like in the past. I can only speak of the moments we shared together. See, for years our relationship was of bully and victim. Now I think that those years our relationship could've been that of friendship. It's funny that I am now the "angry" person. I alienate others and judge them. The one I judge the most is myself. See, I am my biggest bully. This letter is also intended for my internal "bully." 

This is an uncomfortable letter to write to you because I have to put myself in your shoes. It is easier for me to see you as a monster. It is easier to hate you. Life is not about taking the easy path. Life is about taking the rough path and emerging stronger from it. You, my dear, have taught me this lesson. Thanks to you, I am one step closer to love. 

I hope that you are happy and loved. You are a bright and beautiful woman. In other circumstances, we would be soul sisters. Kelly, I have no ill feelings towards you any longer. You and I are free from the ugly labels of bully and victim. Let's laugh this one off and let's hug it out. Lets find the comical in the ordinary. Lets celebrate our strength. We stumbled and we are still on our way to love. No circumstances can change our humor. Life is so funny, isn't it?

With Love, Dania